August 19, 2018

How to Take a Hit

10:16 PM

I really suck at failing. Ok, not the actual failing, but I just suck with failure. I don't take it very well, and I go to great lengths just to avoid the prospect of failure. Basically, I avoid working, practice, effort, and diligence all for the simple reason that I can't really fail if I don't try. I'd rather just not show anyone what I've done than potentially receive negative feedback or little success.

Risk aversion is a very common theme of both my cultural heritage and the environment I grew up in. Most Asian parents in the Bay Area want their kids to become doctors or engineers because it is a very safe path, as long as you work hard, get good grades, and put in the effort. On these tracks, the time and effort you put into your studying very clearly translates to success in the form of good grades and high salaries. Nobody really likes to take risks. Risks are incalculable, volatile, and wholly undesirable for many. Some people, such as myself, just can't keep taking hits and getting back up.

Take, for example, blind boxes. If you don't know what blind boxes are, they're basically just mild gambling for merchandise. Say you can buy a blind box of a keychain for $6, with a 1/6 chance of getting the one you actually want. Alternatively, you can buy the one you actually want for $11, with a 100% chance of getting what you want. This specific scenario is not exactly the greatest since most of us would probably buy the $11 one, just to avoid buying more blind boxes.

The point is, life and all of its choices are basically just blind boxes, except we really have no idea what we can get. Unlike a regular blind box where all the outcomes are available for us to observe, life is a tricky little story that stems into infinite possibilities. Being risk averse prevents you from getting some of the bad things, but it also prevents you from potentially discovering something amazing.

Anyways, I have some work to do (not really, just practicing pixel art), so I'll talk about this later. Maybe. In fact, writing this in itself is an L for me, since I've just spent like half an hour writing something that probably three people will read. I'm definitely not really getting out of this post, aside from my self-gratification. But I'm used to that by now. I just have to get used to the other types of failure.

- Sam