August 7, 2018

Worrying, Part 1

12:10 PM

I just learned that I forgot to accept an invitation to my university honors program. The deadline was last week. They still haven’t responded to my email yet. We’ll see. Admittedly, this was a pretty big mistake. I spent the greater amount of last night just freaking out and being depressed.

Right now, I stand in the subway station of 145th Street, still slightly freaking out.

When I was 13, I drew up something I called “the worry flowchart”. It was basically a logical explanation as to why worrying didn’t make any sense. For example, worrying about my situation here doesn’t actually do anything. I’ve sent them an email, and that’s about as much as I can ACTUALLY do to affect the situation right now. Simply put, the situation is already out of my control at this point, and any further worrying will just bring me unnecessary stress.

Makes sense on paper, of course. But, like a lot of other things, it’s easier said than done. Especially if I have nothing to keep myself busy with. Overthinking and fretting are just natural parts of my thought process.

Sometimes it feels like waiting for the bad news is worse than the actual news itself. It’d be awesome if I could keep my cool and act like nothing bothers me, but unfortunately I care too much about a lot of things that probably don’t deserve that much of my attention.

I’d elaborate more, but I have a train to catch. I’ll update later. Probably.

- Sam